If you’ve read the About The Soap Box page, then you’ll know that I’m really shy and sensitive when it comes down to people reading what I write which is why blogging is really good for me right now–I don’t know that you read this, and I never see anyone reading it in front of me! I’m still getting over it, but occasionally I come across things that I wrote in the past that I feel like I should share with the public. This is one of them.
This is something I wrote in my journal on Tuesday, October 28, 2003 at 11:14 PM. This during a time when I was frustrated about my friendships–or lack there of actually. I had friends of course, but none of those relationships were exactly how I wanted them to be. I’ve struggled with friendships my whole life because I knew what kind of people I wanted to be around and how I wanted to be treated, but didn’t feel like anyone was really reciprocating what I was giving out. I don’t recall what happened that day, but I had a really rough day and this is what came out. Also, this was written at the peak of my “Destinations life.” Destinations is an outreach event at my church from the college & young adult ministry. It occurs every last Friday of the month during the school year, and it features spoken word & hip hop artist doing their thing to the theme of the month. I have always wished I could write poetry–still do! Going to Destinations every month got my creative juices flowing, and occasionally I would attempt to write a spoken word piece. This is among the first few attempts. The first was actually pretty good, but I haven’t mustered up the courage to share it yet 🙂 Here we go!
They say do unto others as you want them to do unto you.
Has anyone ever wondered why they never said anything about what happens when you do unto others?
What do the others do to you when you do unto them?
Perhaps they left that part out because they know that when you do unto others they don’t do unto you.
The others are constantly out to get you.
The others are ungrateful, disrespectful, hurtful, and I’m full of anger and frustration because the others do not care about me.
They don’t even know me!
They think they do, but they don’t.
See, there’s all this doing unto others and not enough doing unto me!
When can I get done unto??
All the others do is bellyache; causing much heartache.
But now I’ve got a headache trying to comprehend what is REALLY going on?!
There is so much at stake, but they are filled with so much hate.
The point I’m trying to make is I try, but sometimes I fail, and I need Your help.
I’ve cried for help so many times my tears don’t fall because they think I’m crying wolf.
Maybe I should cry louder.
Maybe I should cry harder.
Or maybe I should just stand still and know that You are God.
The God who owns it all.
The One we saw beaten in the Roman halls.
See, He ALWAYS did unto others no matter what they did unto Him.
He did unto others and they NEVER did unto Him!
I bet He never thought that He did all the doing while the others did as they pleased.
He is perfect, and I’m not.
See now I feel bad because I just had another thought.
I remembered how things are between me and Him.
He did unto me the way I should do unto Him.
He gave all when I gave a tenth.
He gave His Son and I reached in my pocket and gave Him a tip.
He gave freely and I have a clenched fist.
He called me “friend” when I am not even worthy to be called slave!
He said come and dine at the Master’s table.
I shouldn’t even be able to LOOK at crumbs that fall!
I am so sorry!!
I try, but I think I always fail.
I’m not good to you.
You’re good all the time.
I guess I’m just like the others.