Mental Overlode Before 10AM

I don’t really have much to say today–despite what the title says lol–but then again we all know that’s when I tend to write the most.  We shall see!

I have a lot of thoughts & feelings right now.  I was thinking about something last week, and to find the answer I had to go back to the first volume of my personal journal.  I found the answer, but then I decided that I was overdue for a reread of the past.  So I’ve been reading the journals before I go to bed for about a week.  Reading about how you used to think–and sometimes still think–is useful, but MAN does it stir up some stuff!!  I woke up this morning with a million things on my mind.  I actually walked out of the house with my earrings or a ring on my finger!  I’m glad wasn’t too preoccupied to put on the watch.  THAT would have been detrimental lol.  But anyway, I’m in 2004 now a few months before I graduate school.  I really wish I would have written more consistently because there is soo much that happened that wasn’t captured.  But of course, every waking moment of whatever crush I had on whatever dude was recorded!  Priorities??  LOL, but anyway.  Well, I suppose the journal served it’s purpose:  an outlet for me to release the things I can’t communicate.  I have people I can talk to now, but back then…man, I felt alone.  Yes, I had friends, but I didn’t feel I could really talk to any of them about EVERYthing.  You know, I had one friend that I went to for x, another friend I went to for y, and…oh…actually I did have one friend that I talked about for everything, but she’s out of state so that was a little difficult for me sometimes. 

Anyway, one thing I was thinking today was about how I haven’t grown up much since college lol.  Shoot, even high school.  Well, I take that back.  I HAVE grown up a lot, but not in every area of life.  As far as relationships go, well, I’m still a hopeless romantic LOL.  I don’t think that will ever change.  At least maybe not until I get engaged or something.  Although sometimes I feel like a kid playing house in this grown-up world, I still have grown up a lot.  I am able to make better decisions, evaluate things, …SAY NO! 

Of course another thing I was thinking about WAS the whole relationships thing…why I’m still single…blah blah blah.  I had to take my mind off that one really quick before I depressed myself LOL.  I had some other thoughts too that shall remain in the journal, but if you’re a friend I might share with ya.  But basically, I can choose to either wallow in self-pity or choose to think positively about this situation.  I have decided to think positively because honestly when I think about it, I can think of ANY other reason why I would have to go through these things other than God prepping me for an AWESOME future as someone’s wife, mother, and my mission in the Earth encouraging & challenging people on their Christian journey.  Yep, that’s what I choose to believe because I refuse to think that I am soo bad that God totally disregards that part of my life lol.  Seriously.

Had other things on my mind that I can’t remember, but it’s lunch time now, so this post has come to an end.


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