Am I Grown Yet?

Hi. I’m Jessica, and this is my blog. Remember me?  :-p  I know it’s been a loooooong time since I’ve been here. Forgive me, please! Let’s see…quick update:  since I last wrote, I have become a homeowner (yay!) and I have been working on my book. I’ve noticed that I’m only good at writing one thing at a time. When I’m blogging, I neglect my book. When I’m writing my book, I neglect blogging. When I blog on this site, I neglect the others. When I blog on the other sites, I neglect this one! I suppose my brain only has one creative channel, I guess. Anyway, I’ve actually gotten quite a few new followers this month, and I couldn’t miss the opportunity to say hello and welcome you all. I’m glad you decided to join me despite the fact that it’s been more than a year. I will try to do better.

Here is a thought:  when do you actually “grow up?” I’ve asked myself this question many times at different stages of my life, and each time I leave that thought clueless. I did not enjoy high school. Not one bit! I went to a college prep magnet school, and when I say college prep, I mean college PREP. EVERYTHING about this school was about college from the amount of work the teachers gave us to how available they were. We were even in charge of our own schedules–to a point. When I got to college, it was a breeze. All of my fellow freshman struggled, but I felt like I had already been through it many times. Anyway, I mentioned that to illustrate how tough high school was. I wasn’t “the smart one.” Studying did not come easy for me, and I didn’t retain things well. I didn’t have many friends, and the people whom I called “friends” were probably more warm associates; but that was probably my fault being shy and all. All I ever wanted to do in high school was graduate. I dreamed about going away to college and never returning home. I wanted freedom. I wanted to be my own person. I wanted to be grown. 

I went to college and lived on campus. I got the freedom I wanted, but I still didn’t feel “grown.” So, I thought that if I graduated, got a good job, started making good money, and got my own place, then I would be “grown.” I did all of that, but I still didn’t feel like a real adult. I was 23, so maybe I was too young. Maybe when I turned 25 I would feel it. Nope. Ok, maybe when I buy a house or get married or have children then? Well, I haven’t done the latter two, but I’ve got the house now and I still don’t feel “grown.” I feel “growner” though. The only times I feel completely “grown” is at tax time and when I’m with a mechanic. Other than, I feel like a child playing house…with extremely nice toys 😀

I suppose it’s a good thing that I don’t feel grown at almost 33 years old. After all, they say that age is just a number. At the same token, whenever I hear someone say “when I grow up,” it makes me wonder all over again. When does that actually happen?

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